The Love of a Werewolf
by strimmer
Summary: Set after the death of Sirius. From Remus' POV. Curently SiriusRemus pairing, promising to be a RemusHermione pairing. Flash backs do occur. Realistic plot also, characters not OOC. (Thats what i'm trying)
1. Deep Dark Black

A/N: Well here is a new story by me, presently Sirius/Remus pairing, promising to be Hermione/Remus. You'll just have to wait and see. This story does take into account OotP book, so Sirius is now dead. This story is set after his death. Hope you enjoy.

The love of a Werewolf 

_I am alone… again. Not that I'm not used to being alone but it still hurts all the same. _

Remus sat crumpled in the corner of Sirius' old room at No.12 Grimmauld Place. Perhaps being alone for so long he thought he would be used to it by now, but he was not. Having been stationed at headquarters with Sirius for near a year he had begun to feel true happiness in his life. But that happiness was now gone. Sirius should not have died. Harry needed him…

_I need him_.

He loved Sirius with all his heart, after all Sirius was the only person ever to be so close to him. No one else dared. Only recently Harry, Ron and Hermione treated him much in the same way James and Sirius once did when they were in school and that was with no fear but calm acceptance of who he was. Peter was always frightened of his wolfish side, but still he was his friend. But Sirius went further than friendship he broke those boundaries. They loved one another, no one else fully understood them, but they understood each other.

Remus shared his first kiss with Sirius and his second and third and forth. They were never lovers, never boyfriends but they just felt comfortable with each other. Sirius would always have girlfriends but Remus didn't mind. He wanted no more than what he received willingly from Sirius… he deserved no more. He found happiness in those simple touches, caresses and kisses, causing him to walk proud whenever Sirius walked next to him, his arm draped casually over his shoulder walking with Peter and James. The marauders, the best friends around. That was all he wanted and that was all Sirius wanted too.

Sirius was always the only one to notice when the cuts on his body where not from his transformation period but from human doing. With his self-abusive nature as a werewolf, that continued and affected his human form. He couldn't stop himself but he found release, he new it was wrong and stopped as quickly as he started. But then it was always too late. He thought he found control when he cut himself as a human, but hated himself for it.

Sirius would always scold him, then hold him and kiss away the pain. Such bliss in those kisses, just a simple act of love and care. He had always loved his best friends… his brothers, but he always loved Sirius that much more. And he had loved no one as much as he loved Sirius.

Remus raked his fingers through his greying hair pulling hard and slow. He wrapped his frayed cloak around his wasting fame and leaned his head back against the wall. His movement causing the floorboards beneath him to creak. He let out a long sigh and sobbed quietly, closing his eyes tight.

_Just one more… just one more. _He pleaded into the silence. But nothing happened.

He had spent one long week alone in the headquarters, wondering around… thinking, just thinking and wishing. But his wishes never came true. Tomorrow Molly would be arriving with the kids; it was really the only safe place for the members of the order to stay now that their identities had been revealed during the attack at the ministry. He sighed once again banging his head against the wall, tomorrow he would have to appear more like the Professor Lupin Harry, Ron and Hermione knew and needed to see. He had to show strength… for Harry's sake.

No more moping, no more harming… no more feeling. This was a war now after all, he had to be strong. He stood up slowly and rolled himself a cigarette and walked towards the window. He flung it open wide a lent heavily onto the ledge as he lit his cigarette. As he looked out into the night sky he remembered one of his early kisses he shared with Sirius, oh so long ago. How much he wanted to go back in time and relive that moment forever.

Sirius had sat studying all evening in the Gryffindor common room, across from him sat the object he had been studying. Remus held his head in his hands leaning over a very large book on cheering charms. Every now and then Sirius could see his lips moving as he read the words silently in his head.

The common room had cleared slowly as the time approached twelve. Leaving just the two alone. Peter had claimed a stomachache was ailing him and went to bed early. James retired shortly after claiming he had heart ache, for Lily Evans would never see how truly wonderful he was. When he had stated this Sirius had chucked the book he had supposedly been studying at James hitting him with a loud thud. "That was unnecessary!" James had claimed, stomping off to their dorm with more than just heartache.

They had been alone a while now and that was when Sirius began to talk.

"That was not there yesterday Remus." It was only then Remus pulled his eyes away from his charms book.

"What's that?" Remus asked slightly puzzled.

"THAT was not there yesterday." Sirius said flatly.

"What was not there yesterday Sirius?" Remus inquired softly.

"You know what Moony." Sirius said deadly serious.

Remus instinctively moved his hand to his arm below where his sleeves were rolled up.

"Of course it was. It has been there since… you know… the full moon. You know I scratch myself as a werewolf. Its only natural." He stuttered as he spoke ever so quietly.

"Don't lie to me Moony, I know it was not there yesterday. Why do you do it Moony… why?" Sirius said hopelessly.

Remus lowered his eyes to his hands, which were now in his lap.

"I just can't help it Padfoot, I just can't…" Remus sniffed heavily, and quickly wiped away a tear from his cheek.

Sirius shook his head and sighed.

"Come on Remmy, let's go for a walk."

Sirius put all their books and parchments into a pile in the middle of the table. He scraped back his chair and walked over to Remus, who still stared quietly at his hands. Sirius put a gently had on his shoulder and squeezed softly.

"Come on, let's go outside."

Perhaps it was the marauders animal instincts, which always led them outside, rather than to dwell inside the castle, it was outside where the marauders preferred to be, rain or shine.

Remus stood slowly, head still bowed. They slowly began to walk towards the Fat lady's door, once through the Fat lady grunted in her sleep, but said nothing else. It was then Sirius put a caring arm around Remus as they walked down the staircases and corridors towards the open sky.

Being the marauders they naturally knew all the shortcuts of the school making it simple to make their way out undetected. Once outside Remus slipped his hand into Sirius', he squeezed it tightly in return. Whist they made their way slowly to their favourite haunt Sirius filled the silence with his calm voice, talking about nothing and everything. They soon reached the clearing they had found last year within the forbidden forest, which was close to the edge but just out of sight from the school. Sirius sat silently onto a fallen tree, whilst Remus continued to pace around the clearing.

"Remus for God sake calm down and sit next to me." He walked over and plopped himself down on the tree next to Sirius looking again down at his hands.

"I wish you wouldn't do that."

"Do what?" Remus mumbled.

"Look down at your hands all the time, I want to see your eyes Remus. I want to look at you." He looked up in mild surprise and was greeted by Sirius' deep dark stare.

"See that's not so bad is it?" Sirius brushed away a few loose hairs from Remus' face and tucked them behind his ear. Slowly brushing his fingers along his jaw line as his hand fell away.

"So, are you going to tell me about it?" Remus shook his head.

"But I can't help if you don't talk to me." Remus shook his head again.

"You help me a whole lot just by being here Sirius." Remus found it hard to look away from that stare of his, the infamous stare of a Black. But he did and instead of focussing on his hands looked above him into the canopy of the trees.

"Do I really Remus?" He asked slowly.

"Yes." Remus whispered.

Sirius moved closer to Remus placing his hand atop of Remus' on the fallen tree. Remus moved his gaze to Sirius who had not stopped watching him closely.

"Will you talk to me when you are ready? You know I will understand. Its just… its just that I don't want to see you get more hurt Moony. I hate it when you cut yourself."

Remus nodded slowly. It was at that moment Sirius moved his free hand to Remus' face running his thumb along his jaw line then slowly down his neck. Remus leaned into his touch closing his eyes at such a touch. It was then he felt Sirius move and pull Remus down with him to the forest floor. Carefully pulling Remus on top of him. Remus felt the soft brush of Sirius' lips against his own. He sighed at that beautiful touch. Kissing back slowly. Sirius slipped his arms around Remus' waist and under his robes, pulling him closer to him. It was then Remus started to deepen the kiss, loving every second of their contact, Sirius gently caressed Remus' back as Remus entwined his fingers into Sirius' long black silky hair. He could taste Sirius, that sweet but sharp tang. He could taste the meal they had had that evening but he could also taste the sour apple flavour of the sweets Sirius loved to suck on.

As they explored each other's mouths Sirius arched his back, causing Remus to press even harder against him. Remus pulled away from the kiss. Sirius then rolled over now pining Remus' smaller frame to the floor. He kissed Remus' face gently then slowly moved down to his neck, where he nuzzled, licked and nipped happily at his neck. Causing Remus to grunt wolfishly into the night. At that Sirius bit down on his neck, sucking and leaving a mark. He slowly pulled himself away, working kisses up to his ear where he again nibbled at his lobe. It was then Sirius whispered those ever so sweet words. "I… Love… You… Moony." Remus closed his eyes tight as tears fell down his cheeks. "I love you too Padfoot, I love you too." It was then the hugged and clung to each other nuzzeling at each other. Sirius then pulled up Remus' arm to his face and kissed his fresh scars. "Please, just stop." Sirius pleaded Remus; he then continued to hug him tightly. After a long while of close contact they slowly sat up, then stood brushing the pine needles from their robes.

They silently walked their way back to the common room hand in hand. Once there, they packed away their belongings and went up to the forth year boys dorms and went to their four-poster beds.

He slept well that night, they both did. They slept well indeed.

Remus rubbed his eyes hard and threw his third cigarette out of the window. He could still taste Sirius now. At that moment Remus shut the window quietly then took all his clothes off and curled up in Sirius' bed. Where he sobbed quietly alone into the covers of his loved one.

T.b.c…

Review please… let me know what you guys think.


	2. The Way of an Old Man

A/N: Hopefully I'll be better at updating… but I'm not promising anything. But I will try. So I hope you are enjoying this story, as I am enjoying writing it… so anon…

The Love of a Werewolf chapter 2: The way of an old man 

Remus woke up early that morning. He stretched lazily as he pulled himself out of bed walking towards the window of the dark room, pulling open the dark curtains and throwing open the window. He breathed in deep the morning fresh air, smelling the sweet dew on the grass on the earth bellow.

_At least it should be a nice day_. Remus thought to himself.

He stretched his long limbs again and walked with a slight limp to his gait as he went into the bathroom, setting the taps for a shower and stepped under the cool jets of water falling all around him. He placed both hands against the wall and leaned hard, closing his eyes, willing the pain to wash away. But it didn't and he knew it never would.

Stepping out of the shower he dried his body roughly with a towel, every second making him wake up more. He dropped the towel to the floor and walked back into Sirius' room, picking up some clothes as he passed the chair they were carelessly strewn over.

He pulled on his fading jeans, then baggy grey t-shirt. He spent a few minutes rummaging round for a pair of socks settling on an odd pair, then he pulled on his navy blue knitted jumper that Molly had made him several Christmas' back. Then he raked his hair out of his face and shook his limbs.

_Time for a walk._ He thought to himself.

Remus casually walked down the stairs and through the hall, Molly and the kids would be arriving in a few hours, so to pass that time a walk would be good. As he reached the front door he pulled his shabby cloak down from the cloak stand and strolled outside.

He sighed deeply as he felt the cool fresh air of the morning, throwing his cloak around his shoulders.

_Yes it would be a nice day, nice weather and good company. So snap out of it. _He told himself.

He continued to walk down the path. Memories would be all he had now,

_And that should be enough. _

It would be Harry's birthday in a few days time he really needed to get back to his normal appearance. He then tried to smile, but he just couldn't do it.

As he generally was a tidy person, preferring order to chaos, unlike Sirius who set the place askew at Grimmauld Place leaving Remus to tidy up in his wake, he had nothing to clean. With Sirius now gone he no longer needed to tidy, as the house was constantly just that… tidy and clean ready for Molly to arrive.

He looked around at the world that knew nothing of the war brewing on their land. He shook his head wishing he could live in such ignorance. But he couldn't, he knew too much, he was already a part of this war, so he would fight and most likely die in this war. But he would fight all the same, for Sirius' sake and for Harry's life.

He walked along the cul-de-saced streets, finally reaching the old park. He sat down stiffly on the broken wooden bench under the protective canopy of an old oak. The sun was slowly rising in the east and he felt the warm rays flicker through the leaves of the oak onto his face. He closed his eyes enjoying that feeling of being kissed by the sun and tickled by the breeze.

Remus had been sat like that for a while, a long while at that. He slowly stood up stretching his spine. Oh how stiff he was! With his damn leg healing from his last transformation into a werewolf, a pretty grizzle one at that. He could vaguely remember the pain of the werewolf at loosing his mate and play pal, howling sadly at the moon and he remembered banging repeatedly against the walls and biting and scratching. He shook his head, to get the memories away. It was better not to dwell on his time spent as the wolf… it was just better not to.

As he walked back to the noble and most darkest house of black he hummed quietly to himself. He put his hands in his pockets and walked slowly, looking forward to the day ahead and yet also not looking forward to it.

As number twelve squeezed in between eleven and thirteen he strolled up the path and entered. He placed his cloak back on the stand and decided that he could sweep the hallway and kitchen as he waited for them to arrive.

He swept the hallway in silence as he eyed the curtains hiding the portrait of Mrs Black. Once he had done this, he walked back down the stairs to the kitchen opening the window wide then he instinctively made coffee for himself then sat at the table. He pulled over the Daily Prophet newspaper from last week and began to read it for the eleventh time that week.

As he was reaching the final pages of the paper he heard shuffling noises above him in the hallway, they must be here. He folded the paper and made his way up the stairs as fast as his leg would allow him to greet his friends.

T.B.C…

A/N: Just a short chapter, not much happened sorry, but I couldn't just add action in for the sake of it. Next chapter promises to have a bit more 'stuff' in it, as this chapter was just a contemplative one. Don't worry nir meril… there will be updates!


	3. What Did a Black Ever See

A/N: Slightly more action in this chapter… but not immense loads of it. So I hope you enjoy.

The love of a Werewolf Chapter 3: What Did a Black Ever See

They all tumbled down the stairs together, Ginny, Ron, Harry, Hermione, Remus, Bill and Tonks. When they reached the bottom in a mass of bodies they detangled themselves from each other. "Is everyone ok?" Molly called from the hallway. Tonks had slipped on the troll foot umbrella stand, again, at the door causing them all to tumble as they tried to be silent and not wake Mrs Black… but that was too late.

"Nooooooo! Blood traitors! Filth, half-breeds! You!" She had pointed a accusing finger at Remus as he appeared at the top of the stairs, before Ginny had collided heavily into him, pushed by Harry, who was jabbed by Ron's elbow, who had caught Hermione, who had been tripped up by Bill, in his gallant attempt to save both Tonks and umbrella stand. Failing to do both, he grabbed onto the curtain of Mrs Black as Tonks fell into him. Molly merely saw this coming and had stepped back against the wall. Unfortunately all the others had not foreseen the event.

Mumbled answers were called from downstairs up to Molly. As she battled with Mrs Blacks curtain. "Shut up you old HAG!" Tonks being at the top of the pile ran up the stairs to help Mrs Weasley.

"FILTH! TRAITORS!"

"I'm so sorry." Tonks called out.

"A WEREWOLF IN MY HOUSE!... WHAT DID A BLACK EVER SEE IN YOU?"

"There, there dear… it couldn't be helped."

"I said SHUT UP!" They both heaved the curtain closed.

Meanwhile the bodies mingled together on the stairs tried to separate themselves.

"Guys I really am crushed down here!" Ginny squeaked.

"Hang on." Bill shouted as he managed to pull his leg out from underneath Ron.

He then helped Ron up, to let Hermione out from underneath him, who was finding it hard to breath.

"God I couldn't breath, Ron you had to be at the top, didn't you." She shook her head.

Remus at the bottom of the pile had Ginny crushed against him, she had blushed slightly making him blush too, and he didn't know why. Ron and Bill, who then helped Harry up, then pulled up Ginny, just as Tonks and Molly came down the stairs.

"Nice work Nymphadora." Bill teased. Causing Tonks to scowl.

Hermione knelt down to pull Remus up; her golden locks tumbled down over him as she pulled him up by his hand and shoulder. He nodded his thanks.

"Oh there you are Remus." Molly shouted above the hullabaloo. "How are you my dear?" She eyed him closely before taking him into a fierce hug.

"Nothing but skin and bone." She tuted and shook her head. "Right then… lunch it is, you can all help."

Remus finally spoke.

"Hey everybody." But all that left his lips was a quiet croak. Hearing this he coughed and cleared his throat properly, Molly, Hermione, Harry and Bill looked at Remus oddly.

It was only then when Remus tried to speak again he realised he had not spoken in over two weeks.

"Hi. How are you all?" He managed this time, although his voice did sound incredibly scratchy.

Bill stepped forward and shook his hand. "Very well Remus, very well, thanks." Remus turned his gaze to Harry, who looked to Remus' eye incredibly thin and pale. Harry tried to smile at Remus, but he could see that in his eyes was a misery too deep to disappear.

"Alright Harry?" Remus asked unsure, stepping towards him, Harry gave a quick nod. So Remus wrapped his arms around Harry and gave him a quick hug then pat on the back.

"I see you have grown again Mr Weasley." He said giving Ron a brief hug and pat on the back. Ginny jumped forward and gave him a quick hug.

"Yeah, soon I'll be as tall as Hagrid." Ron claimed whilst shaking his head. "If it wasn't for the red hair and freckles, I'd swear I was adopted."

"Ronald!" Mrs Weasley shouted across from the other side of the kitchen.

Hermione then who was standing near Remus embraced him. "Hi Professor." She was on her tiptoes as she placed her arms around his neck and gave him a squeeze before letting go.

Remus chuckled. "I'm not your professor any more Hermione."

"I know but you were the best we ever had." She said earnestly.

"Wotcher Remus! Sorry about that." Today Tonks was sporting her favourite bubblegum pink, cropped hair, weird sisters purple top and ripped baggy jeans. She gave him a quick hug before going to help Molly sort lunch out.

"Arthur is working late again, so he won't be back till later, I think he said he was bringing Mad Eye back with him." Molly called from the sink.

"The more the merrier." Remus declared and went to help with the others with the lunch. When he passed Harry he gave him a squeeze on the shoulder Harry smiled in return and nodded his head.

They all sat down for lunch around the large pine table in the kitchen. Remus had not eaten in days… he had just forgot to. Especially with his transformation a few days ago, he never felt hungry around that time. As hungering for blood as a werewolf always sickened him as a human… but the desire was there all the same.

Lunch was a pleasant occasion, everyone was sat chatting quite happily… even Harry seemed to be enjoying himself, as he seemed to be in a heated debate with Bill and Ron, discussing who the best player from the Chuddley Cannons was, Bill and Harry had agreed but Ron begged to differ on their choice.

"… but its guaranteed that Professor McGonagal will set Transfiguration level six. But I really am intrigued about who the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher will be. Are you sure you don't know Remus?" Remus suddenly jolted out of his daze, he was distractedly listening to Molly, Tonks and Ginny discussing what colour robe Tonks should buy.

" I told you Hermione I have no idea… I'm not even sure Dumbledore has found anyone yet." He said now focusing all his attention onto Hermione. They had been talking about the books that would be set for Hermione's sixth year, as she wanted to start backup reading now, but was unsure what books she should start on.

"I'll tell you what Hermione, why don't you come by my room later before you go to bed and I should have sorted some books out for you by then… is that ok?" Remus suggested.

"That would be brilliant!" Hermione beamed as she helped herself to more quiche.

Remus passed the rest of the day in a daze amidst the hubbub, of noise and people. Everyone had been avoiding the subject of Sirius… which was particularly difficult considering that the house they were in belonged to him. And after all every thing about it screamed Black.

After dinner that evening he had finally managed to escape and spend some time by himself. Not that he didn't mind the company for a change, but he just couldn't pretend to be happy for much longer when he hurt so bad inside.

He had managed to persuade Molly that he would do all the washing up that evening and would stay down in the kitchen waiting till Mad Eye and Arthur arrived. He would call her he said when they arrived. She took a while to convince, but then thanked him and claimed that she had seen some cleaning that needed to be done in the rooms near the attic.

With that all the others had dispersed into the more habitable parts of No.12 Grimmauld Place, he could see that Harry would be searching for solace, and had an inkling that he would be found later in the attic where Sirius used to skulk around with Buckbeak. But seeing as Buckbeak was no longer residing here, as Hagrid had collected the Hippogriff after… after Sirius had died. It only seemed right for him to go back into the Forbidden Forest with the rest of his herd.

So there would be no excuse this time for being up in that cold dank place. But Remus could understand Harry, in fact Remus felt like going up there himself… but he knew he shouldn't but that didn't stop him wanting to.

He sighed heavily, rolled his shoulders and moved his way to the sink where he began to _scourgify_ the plates and dishes clean. As he did this task he felt his mind drifting and he found himself staring out of the window into the black night. He was leaning against the sink now and his leg was aching a lot more, especially after the earlier fall.

He lowered his gaze from the window and settled it on the plughole of the sink. He shut his eyes tight and let out an inaudible sob.

"Oh Sirius." He whispered.

Life as a marauder definitely was not an easy one. Yes the grey-eyed Black was the best looking, most rebellious and most dangerous of the four marauders, but they all suffered the same. Yes all of them, even Peter. But perhaps Sirius had suffered the most; after all he had spent twelve years in Azkaban knowing the truth.

_Where as I just lived on in ignorance. Absolute and complete ignorance._

Knowing the truth would have killed him. He knew it would have… because the injustice of the truth was killing him now.

Near sixteen years ago, after Harry was born… before James and Lily went into hiding. That was the last time the marauders were a united force. It was at this time, trust was lost and secret accusation began from within. It was then the four best friends fell apart and turned against one another…

Tbc…

A/N: Next chapter to look back at the time where discord formed, leading to three deaths, a mad man in prison, a rejected werewolf and a boy who lived.

Please read and review.


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